Friday, February 25, 2011

Loosing friendships and still loving

I had an issue and still do not understand how it happen. Meanwhile although I do not know nor understand how a friend could turn and walk away. I choose to Love no matter what.
I live my life so that I constantly check to see am I doing the best I can? Am I walking my talk? Am I choosing Love? And always I choose love. Even when I hurt I choose love. I may get angry. I may get hurt. And I get hurt often because well I am sensitive, a little too sensitive however I still choose to be me for I choose love.
So although I lost a dear friend I still love. Although I was hurt, I still love.
I lick my wounds and allow healing, then get up and play again.
so I am playing
I am rejoicing
I am Grateful for life and learning.
I am Grateful for even the pain for I have learned from it.
I am Grateful for having the time I had with this friend for we grew.
I know that life brings people in for a reason and sometimes it is for a long time. But for however long it is, let there always be love.
So much to be Grateful for.
And I move forward to the next moment of Love and Celebration
No regrets
Just Gratitude
Just Love

Monday, September 6, 2010

It's Been a Long Time

What a life!!! Roller coaster ride, ups and downs, fears, doubts, angers, happiness, sickness, wars, gossip... whoo all that stuff that can throw you off.

I have been on a roller coaster ride since coming back from California. Missing family balancing with my new life here in Australia, feeling out of place.

Then one day I woke up, feeling grateful, however with a different swing I had to wake myself up from my emotional sleep for I was numb with all the conflicting emotions that had poored around me, that had consumned me.

I looked outside and saw my beautiful lemon tree, and my meditation garden, looked at the blue sky with fluffy clouds, heard the birds cooing (those beautiful doves that keep making a nest in the flower baskets, they are so funny choosing designer nest in the baskets we have hanging with artificial flowers) watched birds in the bird bath on the pateo splashing as the other bird shook its feathers, all feeling thier special type of gratitude.

I watched and realized AGAIN how blessed I am, I have eyes to see all this beauty. I have ears to hear and a heart to feel. I am healthy and I live in a beautiful home in beautiful Queensland.

I woke up from my sleep that had me like a zombie or rather auto pilot where I was not feeling fully myself. When I woke up I realized I was not fully present in Love, I was existing.

Wow How could I just exist... I am living a magical life!!! Yet I started to see the lack, and as all of us do sometime, started the "what if " song, I started to see the missing rather than the gifts.

Waking up I decided to see all my pluses and be in gratitude in my every moment NOW. What a difference!!!

Being grateful for everything starting with the smallest wonder to the greatest.

So I broke the hypnosis of lack of feeling ... auto pilot... just existing... and I am NOW alive in the NOW and CELEBRATING MY EVERY MOMENT NOW!!!

I have learned from this event, I have taken responsibility for my thoughts that lead to the actions which lead to my negative feelings... I was not seeing with the eyes of love nor was I feeling ... I had allowed my being homesick to interfer with the discovery and the gift of my new home. I had blocked many gifts without realizing it.

I am very Grateful that I made the choice to wake up and take responsibility

I am Grateful for everything

And if I keep making choices to be in gratitude and love in all I do, I will never sleep walk again... this is what I choose.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Choosing Love while in Anger

So to all of you that think I walk in a cloud I have you to know that I am in constant choosing :-D
which means
Life brings with it many gifts which sometimes looks like curses, which are when the button is pushed without your expectations.
Myself I had some recent events that sent me in to days, I mean days of anger.
I could not shake it.
I looked at it, analized it, did all the right things that I knew to do, but could not shake it, it was like I stepped in a bear trap and it was latched and I did not know how to get out of it.
So in my process and knowing I lived on the principal of my understanding of love, that this is definitely not the way to be... to be in the moment of love is where I am to be...not in the moment of anger!!! No Way.
So without knowing how to shake it, i surrendered to it, and meditated on Love, breathing Love in and breathing Love out nothing more.
While washing dishes and being aware of my thoughts, yes being aware is very important, I saw where my thoughts were taking me and that was rambling into more anger, each point going to the next. What I did at this awareness realizing that I really needed help in this, I really just said I LET GO OF THIS, AND I LET GOD, I CHOOSE TO BE WHO I AM, I CHOOSE TO BE LOVE, TO ACT IN LOVE TO BE LOVE TOWARDS EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING, ESPECIALLY TO MYSELF, I CANNOT BE LOVE IF I AM CARRYING ANGER, ANGER IS THE DESTROYER, I WILL NOT ALLOW THAT TO BE IN MY BODY OR LIFE... SO I LET GO AND LET GOD HELP ME TO BE ME, I CHOOSE ME, I CHOOSE LOVE... took a deep breath and started acting ...yes for just releasing did give me the power to act/be in Love... AND i felt love coming into me, it was wonderful
and as the day went on and my husband came home, and he was the primary focus of my anger, when the anger tried to show its face to me again, i took a deep breath, and chose loving action, saying i will not allow this anger to destroy me... and the simple act of choosing love, really lightened me up, soon i forgot what it was I was angry over.
Later, because I had let go of it, I actually was able to see what it was I really was angry about, and also talk about it, in a loving way, to my husband. It was wonderful truly wonderful the FREEING experience and the feeling all over my body of the release of this Anger, and the Joy and happiness that filled me and our relationship because of LETTING GO, AND CHOOSING LOVE.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

SHARING A HEALING AND MAGIC

I was blessed yesterday with the most wonderful magical day.

It was our Sunday. We went to Victoria Point to do some shopping. I passed this wonderful store, I love international stores with all its beauty. I left Des outside the store just to go inside and check on the Large pillow that caught my eye. (Bait) once I entered I heard this wonderful French music and began to sway with it, yes i am known to literally dance around a store, this is true ask my kids :-D

Well as I listened to the music, my eye caught a woman doing as I was Glowing and moving to the music.

I told her Ah Paris!!! and told her looks like you are getting ready to travel, she then told me that she was going when her grandchildren grew up, I asked her where she wanted to travel, she then said a few places that i did not feel her heart they were just places, then i said whats wrong with traveling now, letting someone love your grandchildren and you go enjoy yourself, she SMILED AND SAID YOU JUST GAVE ME GOOSE BUMPS... i smiled because that is not unusual for me this response, i usually have a gift to give someone, and i knew her goose bumps were her confirmation that this was the right guidance and her eyes lit up, SHE KNEW IT

then I told her i guess you are ready for Paris and she LIT UP LIKE A BULB AND SAID YES I AM... and then she told me as she went... that she felt her heart get real warm and spread all over ... she said this with a great smile.

We laughed a while longer and I left her even more joyful than when I came preparing to take a wonderful well deserved trip to PARIS!!!! not waiting for the original plan of 6 years when her grandchild was old enough for her to leave.

We left the mall to go visit our 88 year old friend, Rudy a real heart someone who has experienced so much in his life and shares it and keeps on giving. I mean he has written 5 book, and translated 3 books as far as I know, From German to English.

We met him about a month ago and he has been a real blessing to Des and myself.

For Des because his father died, WOW, come to think of it, a year ago of the day we met Rudy. Rudy actually has a parallel life to Des's father, both were young men when Hitler was in power, both from Saxon (near what was East Berlin), Des always wanted to ask his father what it was like but his father never talked about it, Rudy not only talked about it, he wrote books on it.

This man is so spiritual and being born during an age and in a country that went to war with a mad man in power. He shares all his stories of what it was like being a young man in the trenches of the Russian Front, then being captured and being in Russia for 20 years in prison.

Well we have experienced nothing but love from this man, and he has no family so we have loved loving him. SO ALERT, SO KNOWLEDGABLE ...

This visit i kept noticing his feet and legs swollen and purple on some parts, my inner guidance told me to do a healing on him, I asked him permission and was blessed to sit and heal him, watching his feet go from purple to pink from cold to warm, watching the swelling go to half, and hearing him say he could feel the healing energy flowing through him,

He told me that his feet had been swollen since the war, he was so happy and so were we.

Des joined in on the healing and he worked on his heart area, it was wonderful the 3 of us all there in love and you could feel the angels, it was wonderful.

I was happy that we had this gifted to us, that we were gifted with healing him and gifted with meeting the lady in the store, I literally felt and experienced what it feels like
TO BE IN THE PURE MOMENT OF LOVE
we were being
and in that being we were WALKING LOVE BEING INSTRUMENTS OF LOVE...
I AM GRATEFUL
speaking of Choices... i could have chosen not to listen to that small voice that guided me to do the healing, i could have not listen to my heart and love unconditional when we first met, i could have chosen to judge him because of the past...no i saw him and loved who he is right now, and I knew and felt the presence of LOVE as we worked with him...
CHOICES TO LOVE
YES

OVERWHELMED ...NOW CLEAR

Sometimes the best thing to do when I do not feel balanced is to do nothing.

To just be in what is to allow myself to feel what is going on.

That is where I am right now. I know I am so excited about seeing family that my emotions are out of WACK!!! so i sit here to write, to clear my mind and heart

It has been a long time since I have seen my family or my country of birth. Wow 2 years. 2 years away from my family, my children, my extended family who are my family as well. Those who life has given me to fill the empty spaces of a childhood and youth that had not love.

I was blessed SO BLESSED that I was given my extended family. Who were with me from the moment I ran away from that place that was my home in the darkness of anger, misery, violence....

Away in the night i fled, away to a wonderful journey.

Guided and doors opened for my adventure.

So this door that is opening to my new adventure living in a home, my new home, that i will tell the truth has taken me 2 years to adjust to.

Now i prepare to go to visit :-D how strange, to visit and be a tourist because you know how much things change in 2 years to re introduce myself, to everyone and everything.

To taste the taste so missed, to sit down in a cafe and be served one cup after another of HOT coffee, to laugh, to talk, to just look on the smiling faces of my loved ones so missed. Yes would you believe DENNY'S I hope it still exist, or NORMS ah the memories. sitting down at all hours in the table in the back, yack yack yack ...laugh laugh laugh, and the smiling waitress bringing coffee, maybe bad coffee but it is hot and served with a smile... AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

My luggage being packed, 3 times already, and repacked for sure more and more, bringing the gifts bought in Thailand, Cambodia, Bali, and of course here in beautiful Australia.

OOOOOOOOOOOOO let us not forget the BOOKS, AND TAPES...YES!!!

Ah i feel better now that i have written NOW I SEE what was bothering me... OVERWHELMED WITH FEELINGS that I shut down for amoment... NOW I AM BACK

I SMILE...

BREATH DEEP
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH
LOVE

I AM PREPARING TO SHARE MORE LOVE

AND THE GIFT OF THAT....

IS MORE

MORE LIFE
JOY
HAPPINESS
DANCING
LAUGHTER
LIFE
LIFE
FEELING TOUCHING BEING IN LOVE... YESSSSSSSSS
LOVE TO YOU WHO READS THIS...
THANK YOU

Friday, May 21, 2010

WAKE UP!!! LIFE IS PRECIOUS

Life is Precious
In the moment NOW of Life
Let Love be what we seek and do
Find the joy in your heart and live it... life is so precious to waste it by not honoring who you are and what you came to do. If you are not feeling strength Passion ... feeling ALIVE... then you are walking AUTOMATIC PILOT.
WAKE UP
CLAIM LIFE
CLAIM YOUR PASSION
FEEL ...
MOVE WITH THAT FEELING...
I fell asleep for a moment in time... I found myself sleep walking
I AM AWAKE IN MY NOW
and I know how much more ...yes i know more than ever how precious life is and I choose to live it fully... with
LOVE JOY AND HAPPINESS...
BREATHING FEELING AND EXPRESSING
YES!!!!
SO GLAD I HAVE AWAKEN... NOW WATCH OUT YOU GUYS... WHO I WAS YESTERDAY IS NOTHING LIKE WHO I AM NOW!!!!

POWER OF THE MOMENT

THIS I RECEIVED FROM MY GUIDES (through channel writting)

Dear One, do you see the power of the moment, flow with love at ALL times.

Yes, the past is the past merging into the Now becoming the Now, the future is the Now.

Let go of the past, , the Now is the True Healer, the Now, the Rejuvenation, the Now heals all things for the Now is everything, all time is Now, healing the Now is healing all time, all issues, all this is an enormous reality, that is why we tell you to be in the Now, in pure Love,

Yes See what the moment brings thee, yet be in the Now and transpose that, see it, deal with it, release it and fill yourself with the Now Moment of Love
Yes, Dear One, Yes True Healing occurs effortlessly, yes the truth of Love Divine is there right in the pure essence of the Now, the dwelling of past reopening wounds and digging in the wounds is old way of healing. Heals, yet never heals for the reopening continues into layers upon layers.

Dear One see the truth, yes cellular memories, does exist, yes it is a part of you, as past lives yet to heal all is to be in the moment in pure love, to look upon, to heal, not to run away.

Do not misunderstand, see heal, renew through transmission of memory in Now moment, into pure light.

Yes, release and be free, if the moment calls for tears do so, for cleansing, yet do not dig up the moment again and again on some issue. Know that issue bought up is to be seen and released, the issue bought up is major program to be seen, yet in major issue, all smaller issues that relate are healed instantly through all time.

See this, know this, all time Dear One, do you realize the magnitude of such, do you know the power of one pure moment, this is the mystery revealed, the necessity of going and digging layers reopens that which is healed and gives that said issue power over your being, continually recognize that you beings on that plane chose to re hash memories, re do
programs for there is comfort in emotions and known. One says they want to be healed, yet the releasing of old is missed, the new fearful and unknown. Where it shall lead? So One chooses to be in the past program of familiarity.

Release, Dear One and embrace the new, know that love is the gift, blissful love. , Do not be of those who chose program of pain, fear and limitations in the name of Love.