Monday, September 6, 2010

It's Been a Long Time

What a life!!! Roller coaster ride, ups and downs, fears, doubts, angers, happiness, sickness, wars, gossip... whoo all that stuff that can throw you off.

I have been on a roller coaster ride since coming back from California. Missing family balancing with my new life here in Australia, feeling out of place.

Then one day I woke up, feeling grateful, however with a different swing I had to wake myself up from my emotional sleep for I was numb with all the conflicting emotions that had poored around me, that had consumned me.

I looked outside and saw my beautiful lemon tree, and my meditation garden, looked at the blue sky with fluffy clouds, heard the birds cooing (those beautiful doves that keep making a nest in the flower baskets, they are so funny choosing designer nest in the baskets we have hanging with artificial flowers) watched birds in the bird bath on the pateo splashing as the other bird shook its feathers, all feeling thier special type of gratitude.

I watched and realized AGAIN how blessed I am, I have eyes to see all this beauty. I have ears to hear and a heart to feel. I am healthy and I live in a beautiful home in beautiful Queensland.

I woke up from my sleep that had me like a zombie or rather auto pilot where I was not feeling fully myself. When I woke up I realized I was not fully present in Love, I was existing.

Wow How could I just exist... I am living a magical life!!! Yet I started to see the lack, and as all of us do sometime, started the "what if " song, I started to see the missing rather than the gifts.

Waking up I decided to see all my pluses and be in gratitude in my every moment NOW. What a difference!!!

Being grateful for everything starting with the smallest wonder to the greatest.

So I broke the hypnosis of lack of feeling ... auto pilot... just existing... and I am NOW alive in the NOW and CELEBRATING MY EVERY MOMENT NOW!!!

I have learned from this event, I have taken responsibility for my thoughts that lead to the actions which lead to my negative feelings... I was not seeing with the eyes of love nor was I feeling ... I had allowed my being homesick to interfer with the discovery and the gift of my new home. I had blocked many gifts without realizing it.

I am very Grateful that I made the choice to wake up and take responsibility

I am Grateful for everything

And if I keep making choices to be in gratitude and love in all I do, I will never sleep walk again... this is what I choose.